Crutonia

Smakubak and the scabee tribe of Ogsmuck the Hideous

2012-01-12T18:39:00.002-06:00

As I have mentioned, if you wander around parts of central and northern Crutonia, you run the risk of running into a nomadic group of scabee. Your chance of departing from their company in good condition, I am sorry to say, is slim. However, if you are just lucky enough, you may run into a very unique group of scabee. It is the scabee tribe of Ogsmuck the Hideous.

What makes this scaggle of scabees so unique? Well, first off, they won’t attempt to devour you, at least not right away. They will first ask for a story. This has to do with their caretaker, Smakubak. He is a half gooch, half heefermeinsteer fellow who enjoys a good tale. A long time ago, Smakubak found and raised an orphaned scabee named Ogsmuck the Hideous. Smakubak taught this scabee to appreciate a good yarn. The scabees of the tribe now are descendants of Ogsmuck, and they all have learned to appreciate stories and not to attack creatures that could tell them a good tale. It is not a free pass, though; if the creatures could not tell them a good enjoyable story, the scabees are free to devour them as they naturally please.

Scabees

2012-01-04T20:11:00.003-06:00

Scabees are extremely vicious creatures of central and northern Crutonia. They live in packs, in groups I think are called scaggles. Scaggles of scabee! Male scabees are called butches, and females are called velmas. The dominant butch and velma of each pack wears a bandana called a scagrag. How these odd horrid creatures get these items and put them on is a mystery to me, my citizens.

Scabees hold their rank in the pack by aggression against smaller, weaker scabees. Often, scabees aggressively attack each other and there is a lot of biting. Many young scabees do not survive due to viciousness, biting and starvation. I guess this is a way of raising their young tough, but I find it ghastly.

The whole scabee pack participates in hunting. Not too surprisingly, they surround the victim and tear it apart in a feeding frenzy. It should be obviously noted that scabees need to be avoided. Areas known to have a high population of scabees, such as the Praggle Pit, are considered a danger. Count yourself warned!

There are some ways to tell if there are scabees in the area. First of all, scabees enjoy napping, and if you are quiet enough you can sneak away. Second, scabees really like running. As they run together, it is easier to see them, and you can hear them too. Lastly, sometimes they shout out something that sounds like, “scabascaboooo!” They seem to enjoy doing this when they are running, too. This distinctive howl will clearly lets you know that scabees are in the area, and to head in the other direction quickly.

Praggle Pit

2012-01-03T19:36:00.002-06:00

One of the geographic landmarks within the Bungal Forest is Praggle Pit. This pit is an ancient rocky crater that has some walls with a gradual incline, while others are much steeper. Praggle Pit is quite overgrown with plant life, with trees growing right out of the sides of the crater. The pit sits just on the edge of the Bungal Forest and the Boolgook Bog, and is just next to a special corner of the Bungal Forest called the Jumbit Woods. If a traveler is not careful, they can wander into the pit and find themselves cornered. This would be quite unfortunate, since there are several groups of viscous scabee lurking about.

The flumps and the Flumpé

2012-01-02T20:10:00.003-06:00

I have mentioned the Flumpé, and how it is quite the tourist attraction in Bungaliville. So, I will elaborate more here and talk about the creatures that are the focus of the Flumpé, the flumps!

The flumps spend a good part of the time at Flump point, which is located near the Salty Hills. This area is rich in a unique plant life called salty hill pikuls, which is a sweet succulent. Flump spend their time in this area feeding, gaining body fat, and grooming. It is a jolly lazy vacation for the flumps!

Each season, the whole flump herd makes a cross Crutonia swim, called the Flumpé. This journey is very treacherous and upstream and many flumps don’t survive. Poor unfortunate fellows! Many tourists come to see the Flumpé, especially in Bungalliville. It is rather curious seeing these creatures swim against the current, and the determination that the flumps have in this effort is quite impressive. This journey takes the flumps at least a turn of the two moons.

The destination of the Flumpé is a small, remote island called Flump Haven. This place is ideal for the flumps to birth their helpless offspring, called lumplings, since this remote island offers protection. The flump stay at Flump Haven and raise their little lumplings. Eventually, the lumplings are strong and sturdy enough to make the swim back to Flump Point, where the salty hill pikuls are replenished.

Eyeseatoners – scorge of the Crutonian waterways

2012-01-01T21:44:00.003-06:00

The rivers of Crutonia contain a horrible predator. While they prefer smaller prey such as the aquatic germii, eyeseatoners are opportunistic; they will dine exclusively on the eyeballs of any creature unfortunate enough to come too close. These horrific creatures live in groups called swarms, and they will use their numbers to band together to submerge and attack larger victims. These eyeseatoners do not seem interested in the flesh of the creatures, only the eyeballs. One can evade the eyeseatoner if they are quick enough to cover their faces, or have a natural defense against attack (for example the mandrian).

The good news is that the eyeseatoners are mostly restricted to the waters. They do have some limited ability to travel on dry land by walking on their digits, but this is not a common activity, I am happy to note. I have read some of the studies on how these creatures procreate. Eyeseatoaners mate by “shaking hands.” A few days later 40 or so eggs are laid. Adults anchor themselves to a nearby rock and fan the eggs for 10 days, after which the young, called mitns, hatch.

Conshahawkun – creatures of wet, slimy caves

2011-12-31T10:36:00.006-06:00

Conshahawun, small creatures with a coiled shell, inhabit the crevasses of the Aquarius Mountain. They are opportunistic feeders, and will eat the slime that accumulates in the cave, as well as vegetation and anything else they can find; even their own eggs are on the menu. The eggs of the conshahawkun, called conshabrine, are laid in direct proportion to the amount of food consumed. Over time, the conshabrine develops a hard shell in which the conshahawkun grows. While these creatures are quite prolific in their egg laying, population explosions are kept in check by heavy predation and cannibalism. As previously mentioned, the elusians and the mandrians both have conshabrine in their diets. There are also several excellent gourmet dishes that utilize the conshawkun and their brine. I know that Grevoldo has several appetizers and entrée selections available.

Mandrians and elusians – creatures of the Aquarius Mountain

2011-12-30T17:03:00.002-06:00

There are creatures that reside on the Aquarius Mountain, and are unique to it. They are the elusians and mandrians! Elusians are midsized semi-aquatic fish that are relatively intelligent but lazy. You can visit and try to carry out a civil conversation with them, but they are usually uninterested and sometimes rude. They are dependent on the smaller, more agile, but less intelligent mandrians to supply their main food source, the eggs of the conshahawkun (called conshabrine).

The two creatures have quite the cooperative relationship. While the elusians do appear to be rather lazy, they will carry the smaller and weaker mandrian up the mountain to harvest conshabrine so they can eventually be fed. The mandrian have an unusual method for collecting the conshabrine. Mandrians capture the vicious eyeseatoner fish, and use their hides as bags to collect conshabrine. For those of you who know about these eyeseatoner creatures, and their propensity to attack and eat out the eyeballs of poor unfortunates that happen to be trapped in the water with them, you may wonder how the mandrians manage to avoid this horrific fate. However, mandrians are immune to the attack of eyeseatoaners, because of a transparent sheath over their eyes. Too bad for the eyeseatoner! The mandrian fill their eyeseatoner sacks with braleetberries and hang them deep in the underwater caves where the conshahawkun live. Attracted to the berries, the conshahawkun crawl into the bags and feast. While they feed, they lay hundreds and hundreds of eggs. When the food runs out they leave the sacks filled with eggs, and then mandarins eventually come back and collect them up!

Besides the obvious reason for the elusians to stay at the mountain, namely their blatant laziness, they also need the natural terrain of this region for their reproduction. These creatures need the strong current within the mountain to breed. They lay their eggs (called dingulbells) on the interior of a mountain or near the vents in the sea of bubbles. Soon, the munsmells (newborn elysians) hatch and swim into the tunnels for protection and to feed on the conshahawkun eggs. After a while the munsmells are too big to fit in the tunnels and move to the in the lake, and eventually join the adults in their idle lifestyle.

Braleet – a plant of great altitude and dampness

2011-12-29T11:17:00.003-06:00

As a frequent sight on the cliffs of Aquarius Mountain, the braleet is a common plant of sunny and humid regions. This plant is also located in other regions of Crutonia with similar terrain, including the hilltops islands in the Sea of Fitzal. Braleet have one large leaf shoot, with a top surface covered in a thick water-proof covering. The tip of the leaf points in the direction of water flow, deflecting the current up and over the plant. The mandrian may hide under a particularly large braleet, using the leaf as an umbrella of sorts. While the habitat of the braleet is rarely dry, during these rare occasions the berries that are located underneath the leaf dry, fall off, and root on the rock face. The small conshahawkun creatures that live in the mountain also consume the berries.

The Aquarius Mountain and the Mandrian Lake

2011-12-28T22:39:00.002-06:00

One of the most impressive sites in Central Crutonia, outside of my splendid castle, is the Aquarius Mountain. This natural wonder is a huge waterfall covered mountain located in in the middle of Mandrian Lake. Along the surface of the mountain, there are creatures called Mandrian and Elusian, as well as braleet plants and other water loving vegetation. Within the small crevasses of the mountain dwell small egg-laying creatures called conshahawkun. These little conshahawkun often find themselves as components of fine cuisine, and their brine too! The Mandrian Lake has several river ways that feed in and out of this body of water, and for this reason it is a major passageway for boat travel. While the Aquarius Mountain is mostly wild and undeveloped, the northern face is the location of Grevoldo’s Grotto.

Grevoldo Gloop and Grevoldo’s Grotto

2011-12-27T19:47:00.003-06:00

As I mentioned earlier, Grevoldo Gloop is one of the residents of note in the Bungaliville area. As you can see by the map, however, it can be argued that he is just outside this city, since his establishment (Grevoldo’s Grotto) is across the river on the face of Aquarius Mountain. Details, details. I believe that Grevoldo picked this location since it has the advantages of being close to a town with all of the conveniences that come with it, while being remote enough so that his guests are able to have their privacy too if that is what they desire.

Grevoldo is, like Quenterindy Quirk and Luvusious Lorp mentioned prior, a member of the Alphbetta elite. It is of no surprise, then, that he is an excellent business fellow. He is the proprietor of the upscale Grevoldo’s Grotto. The Grotto is an Inn and a restaurant, and many of the most influential Crutonians stay as guests at the Grotto during the annual Flumpé as well as year round. This luxury resort has many amenities, with luxurious rooms and gourmet meals. I always enjoy my stay!

Creature of the week...Bungali!

2011-12-26T14:54:00.008-06:00

The bungali folk are commonly found populating several of my Crutonian cities and towns, with a large population inhabiting Bungaliville. While these modern bungali occupy almost every area of Crutonian society, I believe that they previously lived in tribal villages located in rocky areas near cliffs. As recounted in stories by several of my bungali associates, they would lure stampedes and trampleens off of these overhangs. With the aid of their membranous skirts they would float gently to the ground while the beasts splattered on the rocks below. A banquet of tenderized meat for the whole village, I would say! I asked them why they have, for the most part, abandoned their hunting pasts; they replied that the dangerous risk from possible garbidgekan and scabee predators waiting below eventually led many to abandon this lifestyle in exchange for the simplicity of city life. However, they still enjoy skirt parachuting and often build very tall houses with balconies to continue this activity.

Most of the bungali I know live in extended families within the same house, and often live in their places of business. I find these citizens to be less glib than most, and tend to be good listeners. I bet it is for this reason that I enjoy the council of many bungali on my staff!

Bungaliville

2011-12-25T21:48:00.010-06:00

The lovely city of Bungaliville is situated on the bank of Mandrian Lake. Bungaliville is one of Crutonia’s larger settlements, and has modified Cruton-style mushroom architecture, with tall towers and balconies. The residents are a mix of different creatures as is typical of my larger towns, but with a majority of Bungalians being bungali. The architecture really suits the bungali, with their fondness for skirt gliding. The good citizens of Bungaliville specialize in the manufacture of a number of important exports, such as refined sugar and confections, conshabrine, wailer oil, as well as the tourist and entertainment trade. Bungaliville is a truly delightful place to vacation! Many visitors come to simply take in the scenery, or visit the nearby coast. For the die-hard vacationer, Grevoldo’s Grotto, situated across the lake on the side of Aquarius Mountain, is one of Crutonia’s most exclusive resorts. The city also has excellent marketplaces of items from all over Crutonia, and there are a number of restaurants, antique stores, and Inns.

The big event in Bungaliville is the Flumpé, the annual migration of the Flumps to the Crutonian Gulf to spawn. There is a nice view from Grevoldo’s Grotto, as well from the river and lakefronts. While the migration of the flumps only takes place during their season, there are many flumps and it takes a while. Lots to see. Bungaliville is very convenient, with plenty of fine hotels, the finest being closest to the lake for prime flump-watching or with great views of the waterways.There are a lot of fine restaurants in town too, and although I prefer our Cruton cuisine there is plenty for a king to enjoy in Bungaliville as well. Seafood is a big specialty in Bungaliville, including Conshahawkun dishes, Bunwailey fish, smeek steak, and lumpling dumplings. Trampleen steak is a local favorite and specialty. There are also a wide variety of exquisite and sugary desserts. I suggest the Café Conshahawkun!

There are several residents of note in Bungaliville, including their elected leader, Mayor Zumblefritz. There is also the Bremné family, Swök (a journalist for the Banana Peel), his lovely wife Flancy Lubbit, son Nestildn and daughter Avikka. In addition, there is the esteemed Grovoldo Gloop, who is the proprietor a high-end spa just across from downtown proper, called Grovoldo’s Grotto.

The Bungal Forest

2011-12-24T13:52:00.011-06:00

Crutonia has a number of wonderful forests. One of these is the Bungal Forest, which is a wide swath of forest stretching from the Crutonian Bay to the Western end of the Zigzanthium Mountains, and from the central plains to Mandrian Lake.

The Bungal Forest has several interesting sub-regions including the Bungal Downs, Praggle Pit and the Jumbit Woods. The Bungal Downs contain small, rolling hills, with the city of Bungaliville at the most Southern edge. The downs are slightly elevated, providing a dryer area in comparison to the swampland and river terrain located proximally to it.

Bungaliville is a large settlement on the bank of the Mandrian Lake, with modified Cruton-style mushroom architecture containing tall towers and numerous balconies. The town is populated by bungali, with equal numbers of other city creatures that include bordaden, braxxon, and shemoybl. Bungalliville is one of my larger trade and manufacturing cities, producing refined sugar and confections, pottery, and a number of other products. With fine restaurants and inns, the city is also a popular tourist destination. I do enjoy a holiday within this fine town!

Another feature found in the Bungal Forest is Praggle Pit, an ancient rocky crater that has become overgrown with plant life. Praggle Pit is home to a significant number of scabee, thereby making this a dangerous region. These creatures are quite a vicious horror, I will have to make a separate post on them.

The Jumbit Woods is located in the Northeast corner of the Bungal Forest, and is more densely overgrown in comparison to the rest of the Forest most notably due to the presence of Jumbit trees. The foliage of the jumbit tree forms a tangled lattice, creating a terrain that is difficult to traverse. This part of the forest is a bit of a labyrinth, with dark spaces created by the entangled vine-like branches. This maze provides shelter to native creatures such as the jumfum but can lead to unprepared travelers becoming quite lost.

Several very interesting citizens live within the Bungal Forest, most of which reside in the town on Bungaliville. Others include the zoobotanist Tzopatz, who lives in a tree house on the Northern edge of the Bungal Forest. She lives in general isolation so she can concentrate on her work, which includes flora-fauna grafting.

In addition to the city of Bungaliville, there is another town within the forest, the eta colony Fjnkswell. This town is known as the ship-building center of the Bay, and is a main post for travelers to and from the Crutonian Bay islands.

A comment on kis

2011-12-18T17:43:00.004-06:00

As a response to my recent discussion about the ki, my good friend, Biblooo, of the esteemed House of Okko, stopped by to comment. Like his father, Biblooo enjoys a bit of an adventure, and out in the wilds of Crutonia most of all. He thought it a bit harsh to refer to these ki as crass creatures. I thought, my dear citizens, that you would enjoy his tale, so I include it below.

From Biblooo: “I was enjoying a hike in the Mushroom forest, looking about for interesting things. Alas, I was too curious for my own good, and I found myself quite lost. After a rather extensive search to find my prior trail, I found myself discovered by a clan of ki. While intrigued to encounter these primitives, I was also somewhat concerned for my safety. After a tense first contact, the kis slowly warmed up to me once they became convinced them that I meant no harm. Instead of having to brave the Crutonian night alone and in the elements, the ki invited me back to their home. Rather than being crude or uncivilized savages, I found that these creatures are warm and welcoming hosts. I was introduced to their Chief, Chitchat, and her mate Bullyrag. Chitchat told me some glorious tales of her clan’s adventures while we dined over fresh roast beast."

"While it was evident that Chitchat is a strong and fearless leader, she is not without a soft tender side that she shared readily to her tribemates and her five young kits. In the morning, my new ki friends helped me find my way back to Cruton, along with beads and fruits as parting gifts.”

So, I will temper my earlier statements in respect of my friend Biblooo. Kis are not completely crass

Creature of the week...ki!

2011-12-13T19:53:00.008-06:00

Hello, my loyal citizens! Today I will enlighten you on one of our forest creatures, the Ki. The Ki form tribes, and the strongest Ki in the tribe is the leader. The leader not only possesses physical strength, but also a strong character in terms of leadership and intelligence, much like your leader, me! Squabbling amongst the ki for leadership is relatively common. In addition to the chief, other members of the tribe have specialties, such as functioning as a healer, a weapon maker, and so forth.

When a young ki comes of age, they go on a mate-quest called the haslhof, during which they travel in the territory and sometimes beyond looking for other wandering ki to fight with for dominance. After this love battle, the victorious one of the couple will bring their ki mate trophy back to the victor’s tribe, where they are now both considered members. The conquered member of this haslhof has to renounce their prior tribe, and are sometimes even forced to join in battles and raids on their parent tribe.

The ki are loyal to their tribe, but tend not to mingle with other ki groups, and are downright warlike against their enemies the valients. Ah, these valient fellows are also forest dwellers, living in groups in a similar fashion to the ki. I am not sure where all the hating comes from. It is all very uncivilized! The valients build tree homes, and since they are semi-nomatic, tend to abandon them after a while. The ki will then occupy these vacant homes. I do not see this home sharing as the source of the discourse between these two creatures. Rather, it is due to the two groups, usually the ki, raiding and pillaging each other’s tribes. What crass creatures, I am glad they stay in the forest rather than create a nuisance in the towns, I’ll say.

Beware the eeespaneechee!

2011-11-05T14:40:00.026-05:00

While appearing harmless from afar, the eeespaneechee is quite dangerous, due to some blood-sucking inhabitants. The eeespaneechee live in thickets and have long flexible stems and large leaves. The top most part of the plant contains a structure called the koneechee, and this is where the fruit and flowering takes place. The plant itself is not the problem, but it provides a home for the horrid eeesp.

The eeespaneechee attract eeesp colonies, and this is beneficial to the plants since it keeps other creatures from harming it. The eeesp live in clusters attached underneath the leaves, and feed off the berries. The berries contain a substance called oytuk oyl that acts as a topical analgesic. As other unsuspecting and unfortunate creatures walk through the plants trunks, the motion may induce an eeesp spawning frenzy. Oh, the horror! The eeesp jump on the creature, suck blood through the skin of its victim, and lays its egg pods. The eeesp secretes a combination of oytuk oyl obtained from its diet and a substance that they produce themselves called eeespajuice. The oytuk oyl anesthetizes the skin, while the eespajuice makes the skin more permeable for more efficient blood suckage. While eeesp infestation does not harm larger creatures including the eeesp’s favorite target the trampl een, the eeesp may cause massive hemorraging, blood loss and possible death to smaller creatures. Those wicked little eeesp, they will try to ingest nearly their entire body weight of their victims blood! What a terror!

While these plants and creatures are vile in many ways, some use can be obtained from them. From the plant, oytuk oyl is extracted from the fruit and provides an excellent topical anesthetic and analgesic. As for the horrid little eeesp, juice may be extracted from them to make an intangibility potion called eeespajuice. In a concentrate form, this allows a potion soaked object to permeate through other objects. So, even a dreadful creature like the eeesp has something to offer the crown.

Mushrooms of the majestic forest!

2011-11-05T13:58:00.010-05:00

A very splendid site is located just East of my most glorious castle. It is the Great Mushroom Forest, a brilliant landscape as one can imagine. Unlike many of my lands other rich and fantastic forests, this one is unique since the main planty residents are the giant proud mushrooms. While the mushrooms are found throughout the Great Mushroom Forest, they are the most dense within a pocket of this forest called the Great Grove.

While these mushrooms are a slow growing plant, they can grow quite large! Our Crutonian ancestors harvested these giants to build the houses currently found in Cruton and Bungaliville, and we still harvest mushrooms to build new domiciles and add-ons. The harvesting methods are quite fascinating! The mushrooms are cut at the base and the spongy innerds are scooped out. The husk is processed and hardened in a technique called domotashen. In addition, the core of the mushroom is edible and can be made into loaves or used as a stuffing. There are many local dishes! While mushmash and toasted mushloaf are a bit too unsophisticated for my tastes, we all enjoy mushroom stuffed poorkon every once in a while in the castle.

Luvusius Lorp: Cultural Icon!

2011-10-17T15:04:00.009-05:00

Levusius is Cruton’s premier dramatist. She is a talented actress and playwright and works in conjunction with Cebne Slimp at the Chirlee Palace Theater, producing such classic plays as “Smakdeeth,” “Death of A Smedsmerd,” and “Powerxor! The Musical.” She is also a great sponsor of other talents and produced the recording of “Yexornor!” by The Blamps.

Among her patrons are Queen Abloonee and Listris Bling. She has slightly contentious relationship with the latter.

Creature of the week...Shemoybl!

2011-05-21T12:55:00.005-05:00

When in Crutonia, it would not be a rare event to meet with one of our shemoybl citizens. While their clan is thought to originate from the Southern city of Tchoffldayl, they are also quite populous here in the capital. They are a friendly sort, and are a sociable bunch. While shemoybl are similar to bordaden in their interest in commerce, they tend to have much more libertarian attitudes towards organized government. They seem to enjoy family life and are not obsessed with social status as we bordaden. Shemoybl commonly run family businesses together. The shemoybl are open-minded about other cultures and commonly inter-marry.

To recognize a shemoybl, it is good to know that they include many variants but have general themes in appearance, including a furry body trunk and non-furry limbs. Physical variations include colors, limb length, and nose length. Other variants include a black eye variant and a no nose variant. While I will admit that I am not fully comfortable with their liberal ways, I count many a shemoybl as my dearest colleagues and friends.

Aphne - A city of traitorous frogs

2011-02-19T15:09:00.011-06:00

Hello my loyal followers! It is too bad that not ALL are loyal to their King, but alas! Since I have hinted about the city of Aphne before, I would feel remiss if I didn't educate my faithful citizens.

During the most horrid CrutonianPit-Erbian war, the enemy to all Crutonians and an invader from another land, Hera Scratch, built a new city to function as her headquarters. It was planned that this city, Aphne, would serve as the new capital of Crutonia after Hera had control of the country. Aphne was constructed by renegade sxervian frogs, who believed that Hera would be victorious and they wanted to be part of her conquering army. Yes, most sxervian frogs are very loyal subjects, but a small handful pledged their loyalty in a foolish, misguided way.

Since good and honor won, the wicked Hera was defeated and chased back to her wretched home land. Abandoned, the angry Aphne frogs burned many of the structures in the city, including the main castle and a statue of Hera. While the Aphne frogs planned to return home to the Cruton area, they discovered they were charged with being traitors to the Crutonian crown and forbidden from their original home. What choice was there? I could never trust them back in the capital after their treachery! With nowhere else to go, the frogs returned to Aphne. While the Aphne frogs are resentful of their banishment, they still desire reunion with their home in Cruton and have become loyal again to the Crutonian Crown. I would be a foolish king to forgive so easily here.

Yellow Brigade

2011-02-19T11:53:00.005-06:00

In the capital city of Cruton, we are well protected from invaders who wish to pillage our great wealth, and from horrible citizen-eating creatures. This security is provided by our frog militia, comprised of sxervian frogs. In Cruton, we have two major frog security forces, the Yellow and the Purple Brigades. The Purple Brigade oversees the safety of the city proper, while the Yellow is specifically assigned to guard the Castle, the staff royale, and (of the highest importance) myself and my family.

For all the brigades, each frog is in a group of six frogs. This group is also called a brigade. Two of these brigades make up a squad, and all the squads/brigades together are referred to as a battalion. Each battalion, squad, and brigade has a leader.

Pictured here is the Yellow Brigade. The battalion leader, Bnjamin, and his two squad leaders, Teedor and Symun, are all decorated war heroes. So is the frog Phranklun, poor chap. He was for a time a high-ranking frog, but fell in ranks due to some bad behavior. He has not been quite right since the war.

Creature of the week...Sxervian Frog!

2011-02-19T11:13:00.008-06:00

I was having a rather interesting discussion with my esteemed colleague, Zoop (the palace Alchemist royale) about frogs. Now, I have mentioned Kroayzn frogs earlier here, but our talk was on another type, the sxervian.

Sxervian frogs are the more common of the frog varieties, and are usually, I stress usually, hard-working and loyal. I will mention a most unfortunate exception to this later. The exception are the traitorous Aphnietes.

These frogs, in general, are somewhat brutish, and yet are impressively disciplined. They have a structured militaristic society, and organize themselves into groups, then larger groups of these smaller groups, and so on. These fellows tend to form organized collectives with a clear hierarchic structure.

Here in Cruton we benefit greatly from our sxervian frog citizens. They form the main population of our security forces, under General Hoobs. Many of the frogs living in Cruton are in either the yellow or the purple brigades. These brigades are very loyal of their King, as they should be.

Sxervians breed in small pools, going there just to lay their eggs and leave. Our local Cruton frogs visit a secluded area near town called the hatchery. I have included a splendid picture here! The eggs hatch into furry tadpoles. Eventually they grow arms and legs and leave the water to return to the cities.

The Archive of Crutonian Knowledge

2011-02-13T10:38:00.004-06:00

All Hail King Hoonkl! Ha ha!

Ok... so as I was mentioning earlier, the castle houses any number of important citizens and staff members. You have already met my family and General Hoobs. Here are Parisppany Bristol and Fleegr Bn...

...They are the Chief Archivist and Royal Sage, respectively, and they work at the Archive of Crutonian Knowledge, which is to be found on the third floor of the palace. Parisppany keeps all the documents, books and spells in order. She is quiet and efficient... one rarely sees her out and about, though my wife says she plays the glorkenspegul beautifully! Fleegr does the looking up of important things that I wish to know! He can be a bit of a bore, but is usually patient with me when I nod off, which is good, because a simple question can take hours to answer, apparently! Together they are quite the team! Plus they can read, which is helpful.

Fleegr has his own quarters in the Palace, but Parisppany lives in the city with her husband Immigglaxious Po, the school teacher.

Alright! Toodles for now!

Your immensely magnanimous King,

Me!

And now, MY HOUSE!

2011-01-16T08:30:00.005-06:00

Well, enough about Rimram and Tchoffldayl and all that! Back to the important things, like me, the King!!

Here is a picture of my house, Castle Cruton. Set above my capital city of Cruton, it is the largest single building in all of Crutonia. In addition to housing my wife and I and Cactus, our youngest, It is home to many other court officials. It also contains Cafe Cruton, a lovely eating establishment
open to the public, indoor gardens, a dance hall (Okford Ominous conducts) and the ACK, the Archive of Crutonian Knowledge, lots of books or something. Anyhoo... here it is! Splendid!

Rimram's mansion, Tchoffldayl

2011-01-13T11:54:00.004-06:00

Haha! So here is my brother Rimram's mayoral mansion in Tchoffldayl. I can only imagine the fun he gets up to there! Oh and by the way, my new niece's name is Herimon. So Herimon Snorsmed, newest member of my fabulous family! ta ta for now!

Tchoffldayl, Gem of the Pillar Mountains!

2010-10-04T11:36:00.003-05:00

So here is Tchoffldayl, where my brother Rimram is the mayor... I just told you about him, I hope you were paying attention!

Tchoffldayl is located in the Southwestern peninsula of Crutonia, deep in the heart of the Pillar Mountains. It sits on an island in the Thimblewind River, and due to this location is an important trading hub. It's local economy is based mainly in Eblixxer, an alcoholic spirit made by the Eebloo, Hashnuts, Gooch Cigars and Tchelo, a naturally occurring goo that is quite delicious.

Many prominent citizens also live in Tchoffldayl, including the distinguished Gort family, Crisen the healer (Antana's brother) as well as Jerribonal Jorb, a member of the exclusive Alphebeta Club. I have never really been able to pin down what it is exactly he does... something in trade I believe. Well, Rimram says he is quite splendid, and a big help in keeping things in order.

It can be quite a wild place, or at least it was in my youth, when last I visited. I suppose I shall find out for myself if it has changed much as I will be obliged to make a Royal visit to see my new niece!

Alright, ta for now!

Exciting news!

2010-10-04T08:56:00.006-05:00

Hey folks! I know it has been a while, but I've been busy busy! Crutonia doesn't rule itself you know!

Well I am very pleased to announce the newest addition to the royal family! My Brother, Rimram and his wife Antana had a baby girl just last week! Isn't she precious? Rimram says she looks just like him but frankly I don't see it. She does look vaguely familiar though... hmmm.

Anyway, Rimram is the mayor of the southern city Tchoffldayl, down in the Pillar Mountains. Fantastic country! I will follow this up with telling you a little about it, but for now just be happy for me! Oh, and Rimram and Antana too I suppose. I will let you know when the little squirmer has a name.

Creature of the week...Kroayzn Frog!

2010-07-29T19:59:00.008-05:00

Some of the most outgoing and social creatures in town are the kroayzn frogs. Kroayzn frogs live in a highly fashionable society of their own devising. While kroayzn society is mainly centered in Arcadia, especially the city of Oshkosh, small enclaves can be found in most major metropolitan areas such as Cruton. Most of the Kroayzn in Cruton live in the Whoohookis neighborhood. I enjoy visiting there for the gourmet meals, fancy hairstyles, and theatrical performances.

The frogs are quite the socialites. The Kroayzn put fashion and their own status above all else, throwing huge parties to maintain and advance their status in the society. It is also of the highest importance to be seen in the latest fashion during these social events. A mainstay of fashion is length of hair, and often stilts are used so that hair can grow to absurd lengths without tripping its owner.

Kroazyn incubate their eggs in a fancy fountain in their homes called a laviswank. The fountain, the eggs, and the resulting hatchlings are cared for by nannies. When the hatchlings, called glamglampetls, emerge from the fountain, the household holds a glamorous coming out party called the glamglampetl Krotillion.

I have to admit that I find them rather shallow and surprised by their willingness to do anything, including disfiguring themselves or their children to advance their social status. Often they outfit their children with metal rings called whohootashen to stretch their bodies and necks to obtain greater heights. To each their own, who am I to judge? Oh yes, I am the King! It is my job to judge.

The Hotel Who

2010-07-19T17:54:00.009-05:00

The Hotel Who is the most upscale hotel in downtown Cruton (District 1, Cruton Hill) and is a top choice of visitors. Several well to do Crutoners also live at the hotel on a long term basis, such as the barrister Pofktrum Wistler. Ibleswich founded the hotel, and the running of the hotel is quite the family affair, with several family members working and living in the hotel. Pindeleen Whooshter, the wife of Ibleswich, styles hair in the hotel as well as in a spa in Whoohookis. Ibleswich's Aunt, Archs, helps run the front desk with her son Anski, and Anski's wife Gelli and her sister Isp run a cafe in the hotel. In addition, Tungu is a concierge, and Ibleswich’s brother, Prink, runs a fine restaurant next to the hotel called Prink’s Chop House.

The inn is quite comfortable and is the first choice of many dignitaries both domestic and foreign. There was some sort of unfortunate incident that occured there at some point, however. As I recall, Archs husband, the esteemed Kooker, was killed in the hotel in a mysterious accident. It is still not clear what happened, but it is said that he still haunts the hotel, most notably in his favorite room of 5C. Supposedly he requests pies, although it is not clear why. An impressive portrait hangs of Kooker in the lobby of the hotel.

The lovely jubijee tree

2010-07-18T15:29:00.007-05:00

As I walk about in the glorious city of Cruton, I am delighted by the diverse trees and plants that grow throughout town. One of my favorite of these trees is the jubijee. The jubijee has a bulbous-shaped top that has many long pods attached. The pods have a pink fluffy outgrowth. Each pod has a single seed, and within this pod is in a dark fluid. Besides being a lovely tree, the plant is also utilitarian, since the pods can be harvested for pens. Depending on how the pods are processed, the ink can be purple or black, watery or thick. The end of the pod is nicked, and the pod can be shaken since the seed inside will aid in the ink flow. For this reason, jubijee are cultivated by many of our citizens who rely on its quills for their occupations, such as Ikarod Flink, the royal scribe (pictured using a jubijee quill), Knyoski Aoin, Chief Editor and reporter for our national newspaper (the Banana Peel), and Nersel Buyukbay, the royal cartographer.

Outside the city and in the wilds, the color pink is attractive to many creatures, including treacles. Pods that have fallen off the tree will attract treacle, and the pink fluff will easily stick to the treacle’s fur. This helps disperse the pods. Since the pods are somewhat brittle, the treacle will eventually rupture the pod and release the seed and the black fluid. As the treacle cleans itself off, the sugary spit will nourish the seed. This adequately allows the trees to propagate in the forests, while we cityfolk gladly take over the treacle's responsibility and cultivate the seeds ourselves. All the better, I say! No one wants treacles sticking up our magnificent town with their sugary spit!

Creature of the week...Poorkon!

2010-07-17T21:50:00.003-05:00

Just outside the city of Cruton, in the Mushroom forest, it is quite common to see golden poorkons. There are two varieties, mushroom or golden poorkon, and northern (also known as snowey or wooley) poorkon. The Northerns are usually found in the snowy regions in the North.

Poorkon lay large eggs around and about and abandon them, the forest has quite a few laying about. Poorkon do not make protective nests and tend to lay their eggs where ever they are. It is due to this behavior that many of the eggs are broken or eaten. The poorkon make up for this loss by being very prolific egg layers.

Many of Cruton's fine restaurants serve dishes that utilize the poorkon's eggs or meat. Golden porkon is quite delicious, with a wonderful mushroomy flavor. The Northern poorkon meat is much spicier, I find the flavor a bit exotic.

Creature of the Week... Bordadens!

2010-07-13T07:55:00.005-05:00

So, some of you might well be asking, if Crutonia is full of all these different critters, what pray tell kind of creature am I, your fabulous King! The answer, my little kooks, is a Bordadens!

We bordadens make up a significant percent of the species that populate the cities and towns of Crutonia, along with Shemoybl, Braxxon, Bungali and a hand full of others. But more about all those later! This is about bordadens!!

Ok... so bordadens could actually be said the foundation of Crutonian society. We are an industrious lot, and take our professions very seriously. We are obsessed with societal standing, and the various families vie for social prominence based on the sum total of familial success. The individual who is deemed to be the most successful in any given family is the family head, regardless of age or sex.

You could imagine that this would lead to quite a lot of squabbling, but our belief that family status is more important than that of the individual rules out most treachery, as the shame of cheating would significantly damage the overall standing of the family.

We are a noble lot, and none more noble than me, the King!! Ha ah! Well, here are some of the other prominent bordadens citizens of Cruton...

just a few... I could go on and on, we are such a splendid lot! Well, goodbye for now... and remember, wash your tails before bedtime!

Quenterindy Quirk, Explorer

2010-07-13T07:35:00.004-05:00

This is Captain Quenterindy Quirk... He is a member of the prestegeous Alephbetta elite and also is a veteran of both the Pitto-Crutonian War and the Pitto-Erbian War.

As a reward for these heroics and also as a favor to some of his comrades, I commissioned him to preform a grand survey for The Crown. His mission is to map and survey the flora and fauna of the more remote areas of the kingdom. To aid him in this endeavor he has put together what I can only imagine is a crack team of specialists... Nersel Buyukbay, the Cartographer Royal; Lanitee, a Zeep botanist who is also a healer from what I understand, and her assistant, Cleus; and the Vegahorse-Vega pair Burtrym and Waldemar, who are specialists in biology an ecology (studied at the prestigious Llanarch School For the Learned apparently). There are some others, but I don't quite remember who... servants and guards and whatnot, I believe.

Anyway, the good Captain set out well over a month ago... I wonder how he is doing?

Creature of the Week... Boolgook!

2010-07-05T13:25:00.005-05:00

This week's creature is the Boolgook. They are docile swamp dwellers living in great abundance in the Boolgook Bog, not far from Cruton.

It was into one of these creatures, a boolgook by the name of Umber, that my mind was transferred to as a result of a botched reanimation spell performed by the sorceress, Clytemnestra. As a result I spent quite a bit of time living as a boolgook, and also it was during this time that Cactus, the Crown Prince was born.

Anyway, enough about me! Boolgooks are vegetarians, eating vast quantities of Bopaberries, a plant native to the wetlands. They also continue to grow throughout their lives, and some can get to be quite emmense! The largest one I know of is Old Pastel, and he is about the size of a building!

For a short time we had a boolgook nanny for Cactus, a sweet young lady boolgook by the name of Buttercup, but alas he dissmissed her when on a state visit to his sister... don't really remember why... hmmm.

Cactus, Crown Prince of Crutonia

2010-07-04T09:06:00.004-05:00

Hello all! Here is my son, Cactus! Do you see the family resemblance? No? Well he was born when I was temporarily trapped in the body of the boolgook, Umber... Due to some particularly tricky Crutonian legal protocol, he is still considered my son and heir. Don't ask me about it, but our Royal Sage, Fleeger Bn, assures me it is true.

Anyway, as it stands he is the Crown Prince and therefore heir presumptive, even though he is my second born. As I said earlier in my missive about Pooleene, she gave up her hereditary right in order to end that silly war and is now the Regent of Arkadia... such a good girl!

Anyway, back to Cactus! He is quite the little prince! He enjoys lording it over everyone, a true royal! You should see him in action! Ha ha! Alright, bye for now!

Creature of the Week... Stampede!

2010-06-24T07:58:00.003-05:00

Well, as I think I mentioned earlier, my darling queen was once killed by one of these fellows... They live up north on the high plains, mostly standing around until they get hungry, then well they run en-mass until they find something to trample to death, do so and then lick up the remains!

Believe me when I say that we were lucky to come across a lone one, otherwise yours truly would probably not be here either!

Well, anyway on with my description... I am told that the mating ritual of the stampede involves two of the creatures rubbing against each other... remarkable! They don't do this often, though, due to chaffing. After a short gestation, the young exit the adults via their mouths... these then follow behind the herd and eat leftovers.

Stampedes themselves are quite delicious, and are hunted by the bungali amongst others for their meat... The young make an especially delicious dish called "stampanini" Oh! that reminds me! Time for lunch! Ta ta!

Palace Staff, Part 1

2010-06-22T18:59:00.004-05:00

My Chief of staff is an excellent fellow named Hoobs. He lives in the castle with his wife Rimit. Hoobs served honorably in two of the Crutonian wars, and I trust him fully. He has two sons that are upstanding citizens, Prink and Ibleswich. Prink runs one of the best restaurants in Cruton, Prink’s Chop House, and his brother Ibleswich is the proprietor of the Whotel Who, an upscale inn also located in Cruton. Both of his sons and their establishments will be a focus of future entries.

Princess Pooleene

2010-06-18T13:32:00.006-05:00

And here is my lovely daughter, the Princess Pooleene... She governs the principality of Arkadia with her shiftless husband the Erbian Prince Hades Skratch, she keeps a tight leash on him though! She only married him to keep Crutonia from falling under Erbian rule when things looked bad in the Pitto-Erbian War. Ha ha! Such a clever girl... she didn't let him know she had given up her right to the throne until afterwards! Meanwhile her half-brother, Cactus is the direct heir... but more on him later... Bye for now my subjects!

Cruton, the capital of Crutonia

2010-06-16T20:33:00.004-05:00

As I am sure you all know, I reside in Crutonia’s capital city, Cruton. It is a glorious place as any of you lucky enough to live there or visit. As indicated on the map with a purple circle, Cruton is located in central Crutonia next to the Zigzag River and the Great reservoir. It is the largest city in our magnificent land.

The city itself is made up of eight neighborhoods. Color coded on the drawing shown here, the neighborhoods are Cruton Hill (light blue), Palace Heights (yellow), Bordenburg (lilac), Reservoir Terrace (green), Chirlee Slope (pink), Splendid Gardens (orange), Keebletown (yellow-green), and Whoohookis (red).

Cruton Hill is where Parliament is located, as well as the superb Whotel Who, Prink’s Chophouse, the marketplace and the sporting arena. The rest of the districts are mostly residential, with several businesses mixed in. Several of the most prominent Cruton residents live in Palace Heights, the culture-centric croazyn frogs and yoons tend to settle in Whoohookis, and the more provincial citizens are found in Keebletown.

I of course reside in the castle just adjacent to the city, along with my Queen, the crown prince, and my loyal staff. I will be sure to present them all grandly in a future post.

Queen Abloonee

2010-06-16T07:27:00.003-05:00

Ah! Abloonee... My darling Queen! She once got killed by a creature called a trampleen, but we were able to bring her back to life with the aid of the sorceress Clytemnestra...
Haven't seen HER for a while... I wonder where she's got to?

Wethrbyld and Jerome the imaginary Bumblebee Guy

2010-06-15T08:34:00.001-05:00

Hoo hoo! Here's a scene from one of the Pattrkyn villages... Kokochka, I believe!

2010-06-13T18:02:00.006-05:00

Short story for my subjects

2010-06-13T17:15:00.004-05:00

Here is a story about my colleague, Flipidarius Flimsey. He enjoys a good meal during his travels.

A picture of myself... simply splendid!

2010-06-13T16:46:00.001-05:00

Smoogens bok bok bok!

2010-06-13T16:22:00.000-05:00

Hello fellow Crutonians! Welcome to our blog.